Learning that your husband is a functioning alcoholic is a profoundly emotional and isolating experience. It can make you feel uneasy or scared about your life and future, especially if children are involved.
People who witness their loved ones struggle with alcohol are often unsure how to help. They might feel lost or overwhelmed watching someone they care about go through alcohol addiction.
When your spouse is a functioning alcoholic, it might not be so easy even to notice the signs of an issue. The main trait of functioning alcoholics is that they still go to work, take care of their kids, and fulfill responsibilities as usual. In the meantime, they are going deeper into alcoholism.
In this article, we explain how to recognize that your spouse or someone you love is struggling with alcohol abuse. Also, we explore how to help them and yourself with compassion and emotional support.
What Is a Functioning Alcoholic?
A functioning alcoholic is a person who struggles with alcohol use disorder but still maintains success and stability in their daily life.
They excel at work, handle social situations well, and have good relationships with their partner and family. This makes it difficult for others to recognize the symptoms of a drinking problem.
Here is how to recognize a functioning alcoholic:
- Heavy drinking without consequences: They drink excessively and frequently but are still able to go to work every day and attend social events without disruption.
- Drinking to cope: Functioning alcoholics turn to alcohol to deal with stressful situations or unwind after a long and challenging day.
- Rationalizing or minimizing: They justify their drinking problem by pointing out that they function just fine despite it or minimizing it to hide the intensity of their drinking.
- Drinking in secret: Many alcoholics drink secretly to avoid scrutiny.
- Irritability when not drinking: Alcoholics display increased irritability that can only be managed by drinking more. This is how many recreational drinkers become alcoholics.
- Declining health and relationships: Even functioning alcoholics start displaying these struggles at some point. Continuous drinking causes mood swings, anxiety, and depression that affect their daily lives and others around them.
Consequences of Functioning Alcoholism
Functioning alcoholism has significant psychological and physical effects.
Psychological consequences include:
- Increased anxiety and depression
- Memory loss
- Mood swings and irritability
- Denial and avoidance
- Violent outbursts
Physical consequences of functioning alcoholism are a result of internal health struggles, such as:
- Liver damage
- Cardiovascular problems
- Weak immune system
- Gastrointestinal issues
- Neurological damage
- Sleep disorders
How to Deal with a Functioning Alcoholic Husband
When trying to help a functioning alcoholic, it is essential to approach them with compassion and patience. Addiction treatment can be a long and challenging road with many ups and downs.
Prevent Enabling Behaviors
In their wish to help, spouses are often not aware they are enabling them. Here are the most common enabling behaviors to avoid:
- Making excuses or covering for them with family members, friends, and coworkers
- Taking over their responsibilities, such as household chores or paying their bills
- Minimizing their drinking problem
- Avoiding confrontation due to the fear of conflict
- Providing alcohol or giving them money for alcohol
- Believing they can quit drinking on their own
- Protecting them from consequences
Prioritize Your Well-Being
Helping a functioning alcoholic can be emotionally draining and stress-inducing for their spouse. Prioritizing your mental health and self-care strategies is vital to protect your health, family, and relationships.
Here is how to prioritize your emotional well-being while helping a functioning alcoholic at the same time:
- Seek therapy or counseling for yourself
- Consult a therapist or addiction specialist for advice
- Set expectations about how much behavior is tolerable
- Establish clear boundaries regarding alcohol use
- Assess how his drinking affects your relationship and household
- Avoid enabling or excusing his alcohol use
- Ensure that you have a support network in place
- Reflect on your role in the relationship dynamic
Address the Concern Directly
Having an honest and direct conversation with your spouse about their drinking can be intimidating. Here are our tips on how to go through it constructively and helpfully for both of you:
- Recognize the signs of high-functioning alcoholism
- Engage in open conversations about his drinking
- Communicate your concerns without judgment
- Support him by showing empathy
- Express how his drinking affects you and your family
- Educate yourself on alcoholism and its effects
- Understand that functioning alcoholics may deny their problem
- Encourage your husband to seek professional help
- Prepare for possible resistance to change
Explore Rehab and Treatment Options
Research treatment options or recovery programs with your spouse. Help them find the most suitable treatment plan. A correct choice will support their recovery. At the same time, it will not enable behavior that damages you and your relationship during this challenging journey.
Here are the most common treatment options we recommend to alcoholics:
- Detoxification
- Inpatient rehab
- Outpatient rehab
- Medication-assisted treatment (MAT)
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Support groups
Signs of a Functioning Alcoholic Husband
Recognizing that someone you love is struggling with alcohol dependence can be challenging. Try to observe changes in his behavior or mental health and approach them with sympathy and support.
Denial or Avoidance
Denial and avoidance are the typical responses of functioning alcoholics. They change the topic or deny having an issue by pointing out that they are not neglecting their responsibilities or financial management.
Drinking During Daytime
Alcoholics drink during the day as a stress relief. This increases their tolerance and pushes them to drink more to achieve the same result.
Drinking as a Coping Mechanism
Drinking is one of the most common coping strategies for people dealing with stress or trauma. They find comfort in drinking. This prevents them from seeing it as an issue that requires control and lifestyle changes.
Typical Stages of High-Functioning Alcoholism
High-functioning alcoholism typically starts slowly and intensifies as the alcohol tolerance increases.
Stage 1: Leveraging Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism
Alcoholics resort to alcohol as a way to unwind after a long and stressful day. At this point, alcohol relaxes the nervous system.
Stage 2: Improved Alcohol Tolerance
After continuous alcohol consumption, alcoholics increase their tolerance. This requires them to drink even more to achieve the same result.
Stage 3: Excuses
During this stage, you may notice that your loved one is heavily under the influence. Since alcoholics cannot hide it anymore at this point, they make up excuses for their choices. They often compare themselves to other alcoholics who are in much worse conditions.
Stage 4: Physical Outcomes
At the last stage of high-functioning alcoholism, patients start to display physical signs of their addiction. This includes paleness, bloodshot eyes, or yellow skin due to liver damage.
After this stage, alcoholics usually slip deeper into alcoholism unless they seek professional help.
Living with a High-Functioning Alcoholic Husband: Useful Tips
Living with a high-functioning alcoholic can be quite unpredictable and emotionally taxing. In taking care of an alcoholic spouse, do not disregard your and your children’s well-being.
Prioritize Self-Care
Set boundaries with your spouse about how much you will tolerate. Emphasize that you will not enable them, and use healthy communication skills for conflict resolution.
Lead by Example
Model healthy behaviors and habits to your spouse. Take care of your mental health, raise awareness of healthy lifestyle choices, and nurture a positive and supportive environment.
Build a Support System
Surround yourself with supportive people who will contribute to a healthy environment and slip and relapse prevention.
Consider Intervention
If you notice that your spouse is drinking heavily and being deceptive about it, stage an intervention with people you and your spouse trust and feel safe with. This provides insurance that they will be more responsive and accepting of the conversation.
Explore Outpatient Treatment Options for Alcohol Addiction at The Ridge Ohio
At The Ridge Ohio, we aim to provide trauma-informed care to struggling alcoholics and their spouses. Functioning alcoholism is manageable but can become potentially harmful and lead to ongoing health issues with irreversible consequences.
Our team of medical professionals provides support, recovery plans, and resources for inpatient and outpatient treatments. We encourage you to find the resilience necessary to take the first steps toward addiction recovery.
Key Takeaways
- Functioning alcoholics can fulfill their obligations despite their drinking problems.
- Having a high-functioning alcoholic spouse is quite frustrating and exhausting.
- Set clear boundaries, nurture a positive environment, and encourage your spouse to get help.
- Remember to take care of yourself during the recovery journey. Prioritize your and your children’s mental health and well-being.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I Leave My Functioning Alcoholic Husband?
Leaving an alcoholic spouse is a deeply complex decision. We recommend assessing how their drinking affects your family life, mental health, and financial stability. If you are unsure about staying together, practice trial separation before deciding to dissolve your marriage due to their drinking.
Is It Possible to Save a Marriage with an Alcoholic?
Yes, it is possible to save a marriage with an alcoholic. If you are both committed to working towards their recovery from addiction and strengthening your relationship, you will likely build an even stronger bond than before. Ensure that you resolve any codependency issues, which are common in couples where one or both people are functioning alcoholics.
Is Alcohol a Reason for Divorce?
Alcohol is a legitimate reason for divorce. If you have tried supporting your spouse by setting boundaries, modeling healthy habits, and encouraging their recovery to no avail, a divorce might be the best solution for your family. Revise legal considerations if you decide that divorce is the most suitable choice.
